Wednesday, August 31, 2011

45 Things I've Learned by Being a Bank Teller

I had a good laugh today when one of my colleagues sent around an email about 50 Things I Have Learned by Being a Bank Teller.  This list pretty much details our job to a "T".  I took out a few that didn't really relate to me (as it is an American list), but bolded the ones that define us tellers perfectly. I realize that a lot of people don't realize what they are doing, so maybe these will just be good reminders for the next time you go in to your bank :) Enjoy!

45 Things I've Learned by Being a Bank Teller

1. I know everyone in the world, so I never need to ask for ID.
2. I’ll be with you in one moment, means ‘Come right up here into my business and breathe your popcorn breath in my face for a while.
3. Every bank in the world steals money from its customers, particularly the ones that don’t keep a register.
4. I’m always kidding when I tell people a cheque is not any good. I’m a good kidder.
5. I know the balance of every account at the bank.
6. I am at the bank just because I feel like it; my wicket isn’t actually open when I say, "I'd like to help you here!"
7. I know everyone’s account number.
8. I know everyone’s address.
9. I don’t understand how banking works.
10. I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the cheque said.
11. I don’t know how to count.
12. I don’t know how to add.
13. I don’t know what the date is.
14. I can read everyone’s mind.
15. If I ask for your social, I'm trying to steal your identity.
16. I know when every new coin will be arriving.
17. I know how much everyones bills are for the month.
18. We are just here for fun on most holidays and weekends, we're not really open. We love when you rub it in.
19. When someone asks how you want your cash back, you are supposed to tell them after you get your money back.
20. Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up 5 minutes before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we don't mind.
21. Everyone with the Bank name tag is related.
22. I am also your secretary.
23. We love to place holds on your cheques for fun. We are the only bank that does it.
24. 13 hours and 10 minutes is not enough time for people to do their business.
25. I am in charge of the never ending popcorn, smarties, and coffee.
26. It is polite to ignore someone when they say hello.
27. It is my fault when someone cuts you in line. I should have been paying attention to you and not your money.
28. I know what a checkingdepositwithdrawal for savings is.
29. Being rude should make me want to help you more.
30. I am not really human, I should not make mistakes.
31. It is okay to go into someones office when their door is shut.
32. The sign that says Next Window Please is just for decoration.
33. I make people wait on purpose. It's fun to make them mad.
34. I know everyones pin number to their ATM card.
35. Fraud isn't real. I should give customers exactly what they want.
36. The bank gives out free poinsettias at Christmas, we order them for you, not the bank. Display only means whatever you want it to mean.

37. Please and Thank You are forbidden words at the bank. We hate to hear them.

38. When I tell someone the same thing over and over, I'm just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.
39. We will break the rules for anybody as long as you gripe for more than 10 minutes.
40. I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I will count the coin for you by hand. It is my favorite thing to do!

41. I am psychic. When you call I can recognize your voice and pull up your information. My computer is voice activated. It's that fancy technology we have.
42. You don't have to tell me that you've been with the bank for 50 years… I can tell. (I've obviously been alive and working here that long!)
43. Even after 4 years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. If  I've never met you, I have no idea what I'm doing.
44. I make the rules for the banking industry. You can blame everything on me!
45. I’m an idiot.

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